Sometimes life takes so much out of you that you just stop feeling like your normal self. This can last days, weeks, months…even years! Sometimes this feeling is due to depression, loneliness, anxiety, grief or even daily routine.
I’ve been feeling this way for the last few years. Many people don’t know about my personal battle with depression and anxiety. I have been known to exhibit behaviors of anger and hostility, two symptoms nobody associates with being severely depressed, when I’m really overwhelmed by my struggles or when I’m triggered. One of my biggest triggers is rejection. It can get very lonely always feeling like you don’t belong. Sometimes the very people who are supposed to be your “safe space” end up being the ones who (knowingly or unknowingly) keep you locked in a cycle of mental instability and pain.
Lately though, I’ve been feeling like myself. I’m glad that God has allowed me to go through certain things and even allowed me to lose some very special people who were extremely close to me as well. The funny thing is, I now feel lighter and freer than ever before. It’s like weights have been lifted off my shoulder and I can now finally see the sky.
Yep, I’m feeling like myself again…the Jona I grew up with. The funny one…the smart one…the sexy one! I think I’m finally ready to put the past behind me and start something new. I want to love again, hope again…TRUST again! I’ve lost so much these past few years, but I’m still here! I know this new life won’t be familiar, but it is my new normal.
Life is funny. Just when you see the light at the end of the road, it’s like Jesus hits that light switch and everything goes pitch black. That’s ok though. That’s when the light He has placed inside of us gets to shine it’s brightest.